Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize