Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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