I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
