Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
