I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
