I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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