if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
