Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My balls are so social today.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Randomize