apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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