His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
how does that bad decision feel?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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