im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just want nice things and good sex
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
