I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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