OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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