i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
