My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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