I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
