I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
