Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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