I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
