Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I smell stomach acid.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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