having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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