Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
