yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
