As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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