Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
