??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
