Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
