how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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