im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
