what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
