is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
