I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
