I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
