I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
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Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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