Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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