I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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