I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
