i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
