I won't be sarcastic... just naked
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
