How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
