Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
