pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
