can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
