its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
