True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
