We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
send nudes
from the living room?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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