I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
