i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
