So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
