I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
