Apparently you make a good broom.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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