I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
