We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
