My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
