Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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