Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
