Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
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