I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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