There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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