my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize