I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
