How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We talked him into tasing himself.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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