I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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