Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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