I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
