That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
